Parents and Teens – We Need to Talk!

Sacramento County Department of Health and Human Services, Adolescent Health Program

Parents, can your teen communicate with you about sexuality without it upsetting or embarrassing you? It may feel uncomfortable talking about sexuality, especially if your parents never talked with you. Nevertheless, keep in mind that you are protecting your teen’s physical and emotional health when you are giving them accurate sexual information. Your teen wants you to be an “ask-able” parent. “Teens consistently say that their parents have the most influence over their decisions about sex – not the media, not their boyfriend or girlfriend, and not their best buds in school,” says Sarah Brown, CEO of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. Ms. Brown states, “If parents don’t step up to the plate, teens are going to get information that’s unedited, without context, and often incorrect –wherever they can find it.”

Millions of teens use the internet and cell phone for information about sexuality. In some states, trained educators are now teaching teens about sexuality via text messages. On the other hand, a growing number of teens are misusing the internet and cell phones. Teens are “sexting”- sending sexual messages electronically, primarily with cell phones via text, e-mail, or instant messaging. Teens may not know that Federal law states that it is illegal for anyone to create, share, send, post, or view sexual images of a minor. Anyone caught, can be charged with child pornography, leading to jail time and being branded as a “sexual offender.”

Parents, as the primary educator for your teen, you can make a positive difference in the future of your teen’s health. All you need to do is be a willing and “ask-able” parent – putting your fears and insecurities aside. The good news is that you, as the parent, do not need to know everything about sexuality. You may feel uncomfortable talking about sexuality with your teens, but do not let that get in the way. It is okay to feel uncomfortable and to say so. Be honest if you need to say, “I'm not used to talking about sex because Grandma didn't talk to me. I want us to be comfortable talking about sexuality. I am here to answer your questions.”

It is the job of both parents to teach about sexuality. In some homes, it is the mother’s job to talk to their kids about sexuality. In other homes, the mother talks to her daughter, while the father talks to his son. However, teens need to hear the adult viewpoint of both parents. It teaches teens that men and women can talk about sexuality together. This is an important skill in adulthood. It also teaches teens to seek information from a reliable source. Always remember that you are protecting your teen’s health and safety by providing age-appropriate and accurate information.

Tips on Talking About Sexuality

* Talk with your child about everyday things such as school, sports, and shopping. Then conversations about sexuality will be easier.
* Actively listen to your teen being careful not to interrupt him or her. Try to listen without judging and to ask questions without accusing.
* Use good eye contact so that your teenager knows that he or she can talk comfortably with you and that you are paying careful attention. Be aware of your body and facial expressions. Be honest about what you do not know. Offer to find answers as soon as possible.
* Be prepared to talk again. The facts and your messages about your values and beliefs should be repeated often.

Local Resources

Parents, call the Sacramento County Adolescent Health Program (916) 875-5869 today for information on how to talk with teens about sexuality and health.

Resourceful Websites:

* www.sacteenhealth.com (Sacramento County Public Health’s website for teens/parents)
* www.teenhealth.org (Nemours Foundation)
* www.stayteen.org (The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancies)