In a recent television interview, the Executive Director of the Greater Good Science Center in Berkeley, Christine Carter PhD, discussed how to Practice Gratitude with your children. She stated that people who practice gratitude are happier, have more energy, are more at ease and that other people around them notice that they are happier and more productive.
After watching this interview, I became fascinated by the idea of teaching gratitude as part of child rearing. Certainly every religion promotes the giving of thanks to a supreme being, and gratitude is, essentially, giving thanks. As a nation we’ll soon be celebrating a day dedicated to giving thanks. Some people consider Thanksgiving a religious holiday, but it is also celebrated by people of all belief systems, including non-believers; and so it would seem that gratitude is not confined to religion. I should also add that gratitude should not just be taught to children, but adults would benefit from lives filled with gratitude as well.
All parents teach their children to politely say “thank you” when they receive something. Saying thank you is a social ritual that we all learn, but that’s not the same as gratitude. People can be polite without feeling a deep appreciation for life and all of its possibilities. In fact, people can be polite even when they are filled with negative and selfish thoughts. We even hear of criminals being quiet and polite. On the other hand, people who have suffered and overcome impossible obstacles in order to survive, are often the most grateful of all. Some people only become more grateful as they get older, learning to savor and cherish every minute of life.
Without waiting for them to suffer and overcome obstacles and without waiting for them to grow old, how do we teach gratitude to young children? Clearly, gratitude is an attitude, a feeling about life - a positive feeling about life. A positive feeling toward life may come, in part, from the child’s in-born temperament. Some children seem to be born thankful and happy to be alive. A child's negative attitude can be counter-acted by teaching the child to think in positive ways. Dr. Christine Carter outlines Three Steps on How to Practice Gratitude with Your Children:
1. Keep a Gratitude Journal
-Can be a daily or weekly journal
-If the child is young and can’t write have them dictate to you
-Keep a Family Gratitude Journal
-Make Gratitude lists and post on refrigerator
2. Write a Gratitude Letter or note
-Write letters or cards to friends, teacher, clergy, coaches, or family members telling them how much you appreciate them
-Thank you cards are another opportunity
3. Ask children to tell you 3 good things about their day
-This can be done at the dinner table or before going to bed at night
Thanksgiving is a wonderful opportunity to role model for children acts of gratitude and thankfulness. We often have to remind ourselves that we can teach our children gratitude, but the most crucial part of teaching is role-modeling for our children our actions of gratitude. Unfortunately, as with so many parenting issues, we are forced to take a look at ourselves. Are you a grateful person? Are you deeply thankful for your children, spouse, family, work and community? Do you get up everyday, look around and think about how lucky and blessed you are? Do you ever look into the eyes of those you love and think of what life would be like without them? Or do you go through every day, filled with stress and worry, thinking only of how to get ahead, how to get a better job, a better house, a better car, or the latest and greatest gadget or gizmo? We’ve all heard this before from various sources, but have you thought about it in terms of the role model that you are providing for your child’s present and future happiness?
If gratitude is already your attitude, be sure to pass it on to your child. Point out to your child the small wonders that surround him and how thankful you feel for them. Visit the pumpkin farm and pick a pumpkin so that you can make a pumpkin pie from scratch to give to a neighbor. Select a turkey from the store and deliver it to a local charity. Talk about the winter birds and how grateful we are for them and make a bird feeder to tide them over for the winter. Share the beauty of the recent rains and always find the rainbow in the clouds. If you are not a grateful person, find out why. You’re not just depriving yourself of joy, you’re failing to teach your child the most profound lessons of life. In the spirit of the Thanksgiving Holiday Season make this the perfect month to make Gratitude Your Attitude.